At some point in the life of the NES, video game producers obviously ran out of crappy ideas. They had already used ninjas kidnapping the president, Ronald McDonald getting burglarized, and a mouse running around deserts and swamps looking for letters of the alphabet. The last horrible idea they hadn't used: Rescue a sock puppet pig! That's where the brilliant minds at Hi-Tech Expressions came in, and the horrid piece of trash "Jim Henson's Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival" was unleashed upon the world.

Reading this gave me a headache, the kind only a labotomy can take care of. Whoever heard of a "notorious carnival owner?" For that matter, whoever heard of a doctor who owned a carnival? This Dr. Grump has kidnapped Miss Piggy and is hiding her on his easily accesible carnival grounds. The game never bothers to explain why, but I bet it's some weird nasty thing, like she's going to have to be a stripper or something. You know how those notorious carnival owner doctors are. Anyway, the Muppets are going to attempt a daring rescue, as video games have taught us that whenever a mad scientist/ninjas/aliens kidnap somebody, the police are utterly useless. Mad scientists/ninjas/aliens are outside their jurisdiction.

After you're done with that lovely introduction, you're brought to the game select screen. By the way, notice how well hidden Grump's carnival is? As if a huge entrance wasn't dumb enough, there's even a sign telling you that this is, indeed, the entrance.

This is the first game, River Ride. As Kermit, you ride down a river in an inflattable raft, dodging rocks, logs, and this creepy looking dude you'll meet about halfway through. I'm pretty sure he's a carnie, so you might want to stay away.

At the end of this game (as with the end of all the games), you'll recieve a key. By the way, at this time I'd like to point out the lives counter. They don't call them "lives," they call them "rides." Get it? Because it's a CARNIVAL!!! Clever folks at Hi-Tech. I get a feeling it took them more time to think that up than it did the rest of the game.

I really don't understand this. Why do I need the key to the ride if I obviously just rode on it? By the way, if you thought a pig puppet with huge boobs was weird enough, check out what it looks like in 8-bits. And I have no idea what she means by "his nasty Grumpasaurus monster," I've never played this thing long enough to find out.

I swear I'm not exaggerating the least bit when I say this is the worst thing I've ever played in my life. It's the "Car Course" game, and God is it crappy. It's supposed to be Animal riding along in a bumber car, but it's more like Animal sliding along in a pink bowling shoe. Never have I played anything with such unresponsive controls. This is the same program D.A.R.E. uses to teach kids the effect of drinking before driving.

Now this is odd. Running over an oil slick spins you out of control. Alright, that makes sense. Running over a banana peel, on the other hand, not only doesn't affect you, it actually gives you points. While you're still trying to figure that out, think about this: Apples explode upon impact. Literally explode. Dr. Grump's main weapon against the Muppets is friggin' grenade apples. I hate this game...

In "Space Ride," Gonzo flies around in a spaceship that looks like those bubble things 25 cent rings come in. The controls here aren't much better than Car Course's. You'll spend most of the game aimlessly flying around, shooting your little laser plasma cannon thing, hoping to hit an astroid/metoroite/ball of feces (or whatever those things are).

"Amazing Maze" is like a huge acid trip. You're running around a maze of milkshakes, avoiding a pantsless mouse and trying to find presents. This somehow helps you save Miss Piggy. Don't ask me how, I didn't program this game. Thankfully, too, because I'm sure whoever did is begging for booze money in a subway station right now.

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